Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Welcome to the blogshow

Madame Mahima did one of these on her blog and very kindly invited the rest us to participate.
The interesting questions are hers.
The complete carnage that follow them are completely my fault.

1) If you had one hour to live, what would you do in that time?
This is so fucking horrible, but my first response was to tell SM I changed my mind. Then I reckoned:
a) One hour isn’t nearly enough to find her and say yes, I’d love some coffee (even hypothetically).
b) Doing the whole going back in time thing would be a bit of a cop out.
c) If I could do the whole back in time thing, I would go back after we finished and do it again and again. And again

(Oh my God, not only am I horrible, I’m I-couldn’t-give-a-fuck-about-the-effects-on-the-space-time-continuum horrible).

Let’s talk credit card.

Let’s talk a shopping spree the size of Guam’s national deficit.
Let’s talk that really nice service apartment at the Ascott I went to and lemme tell you that place is built for all kinds of wrong weekend-with-strange chicks shenanigans. Mirrors everywhere.
Let’s talk my folks whom I’ve always wanted to bring to Canada but never had the money and to first class tickets so when they get on that plane they’d turn left, not right.
Let’s talk that Cartier Trinity ring I saw once but have never forgotten and this girl I know who completely deserves it and thank God diamonds are forever cos unfortunately I’m not baby, I gotta go, I love you so fucking much. But I gotta go.
Let’s talk an Apple 17-inch Powerbook with Airport Express, an iPod photo, a Sony DV Cam and a hot competent secretary so I can tell you guys this via videotaped, HTML-coded, stereophonic last will and testament:
“If you are reading this, it’s cos I’m gone. But towards the end, it was really, really great. I wish I cou-"

2)Margaret Thatcher or Whoopi Goldberg?Why?
Margaret Thatcher.
Because it’s better to be a cast-iron bitch than a hypocrite.

And Whoopi, well, just look at her.

3)You're standing behind a girl who's got her skirt hemline stuck in the elastic of her undies. What do you do?
Me: Um Miss, is there’s a wasp on your skirt.
Girl: Aiyeeeeee! Amargaaaaahhhhddaagedditoffmegedditoffemeohmygooooodoohaaiyeeeeee!

4) You realise your fiancée is actually a transvestite on your honeymoon night. Now what?
Fiancée: I’ve dreamt of this for so long.
Me: Me too aiyeeeeee! Amargaaaaahhhhddaagedditoffmegedditoffemeohmygooooodoohaaiyeeeeee!

5) Who would you rather your Siamese twin be? Michael Moore or George Bush? Why?
Michael Moore.

I know this is silly and superficial, but the truth of it is I detest working for a living. I would rather spend time drinking coffee, reading and watching TV. But due to a filthy addiction to money and a severe allergy to unemployment, I’ve been forced to join the workforce.

Being (permanently) at Michael’s side, I would finally answer what in the last two working years has convinced me is my true calling – to serve in a gasoline-on-bonfire capacity to various people and situations and get paid for it.

Michael: Did you get that research?
Me: No.
Michael: Why not?
Me: You’ve never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Why start now?
Michael: This is true

Wanna play? These are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

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