So much for charity.

There's this old lady that begs for change at the steps of the train station I get off. I see her most days, always in the morning.

Over the months I've developed this habit of wondering to myself little things about her, only for the few seconds it takes for me to pass her field of vision. Where does she sleep, where does she do her laundry, does she have family, what does she spend the money on etc.

So after months of walking past her, I decided everytime I see her I will give her some money. I reached into my pocket for some change and then something horrible happened.

I counted the change.
I felt it with my fingers and tried to feel the difference between a 50 cent coin and a 20.

Even as I write this, I feel like a complete jerk.