Giving credit

Every year, I make the same call to my credit card company.


“How may I help you sir?”

“I’m looking at my latest statement and there’s a charge there marked ‘Fees’.”

“That’s our annual fee charge, sir.”

“Can I ask you to waive that fee?”

“We don’t have that policy, sir.”

“Every other credit card company has a ‘free for life’ policy.”

“We don’t have that policy, sir.”

“If you check my record, you’ll see I’ve been a customer for quite a while.”

“Just a moment, sir…Yes, sir. Going on five years now.”

“Wouldn’t that warrant you guys waiving the fee?”

“We don’t have that policy, sir”

“If you check my record, you will find the following: A customer that’s never been late on a payment; A customer who pays in full every time; A customer who’s never once busted his credit limit. I’d think a credit card company would be pleased to have a customer like that. In fact, considering the cost of new member acquisition, waiving your annual fee seems like a laughable price to keep a good customer.”

“We don’t have that policy, sir.”

“(Sigh) Well, look at the points I’ve racked up over the years. YEARS. Don’t you guys have some ‘points in exchange for annual fee’ thing? Other card companies do!”

“We don’t have that policy either, sir.”


I’ve done this so many times, this scenario runs through my head automatically. Two things are predictable, their responses and my ultimate exasperation.



So, yesterday, I dialed the number and took a deeeep breath.

“How may I help you sir?”

“I’m looking at my latest statement and there’s a charge there marked ‘Fees’.”

“Let’s see if we can get that waived for you. Just a moment, sir…Yes, there you go. Just deduct that amount from your payment this month. Anything else I can do for you?”


Well, fuck me dead.