Or you'll get stuff like me telling you how I:
- Told someone the correct way to pee on a pregnancy test strip.
- Had a very real scare as I did an imaginary blood test for HIV.
- Realised this is my first Christmas spent as a single guy since 1991.
So you gotta ask.
Friday, December 24, 2004
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2 comments:
OK. Tell us how you told someone the correct way to pee on a pregnancy strip. How you had a very real scare as you did an imaginary blood test for HIV. And how you realised the Christmas just past was the first one you spent as a single guy since 1991. I'm asking - so you gotta tell.
http://isorule.blogspot.com
Dear Jay,
The correct way is - shockingly - described on the pack of the pregnancy test strip. The strips actually fairly long so you get to stain the chemically-treated end with your tinkle. If your piss has gonadotrophins (which signal the onset of pregnancy), then you might be pregnant.
That last bit is important, cos that's what I used.
'Might be.'
(I had to soften the blow. The bitch was in hysterics).
My friend met a guy at a party, and after going out with him for about 15 minutes decided that he was worth a jump. Or five.
Cut to me the next day getting a call from what seemed to be a goose getting strangled. I get into my car, drive over and discover that my friend quite literally, doesn't want to have Colin's baby (he looked like a Colin).
I go buy a pregnancy kit, looking all the world like the bastard who knocked her up (pharmacists can be really smug and judgemental) and drive back to her apartment.
I tell her how to do it.
She tells me she can't.
I describe - verbatim - the instructions.
She tells me she can't.
I offer to show her and start un-buckling my jeans.
She becomes an expert.
Long story short, she's not pregnant.
I told her unless she's got an allergy to latex, she might want to try condoms.
I offer to show her how those work too.
She laughs, hugs me and tells me I'm sweet and funny.
I felt like crying.
If I weren't so chickenshit, I'dve slashed my wrists to end the pain.
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