Dear A4: Episode 4

Dear Max,


Model HD-10, huh?
Yeah I remember. Everyone remembers. You were top of your game.
IN THE 70s.

A HD-10?
Are you kidding me?
How old’s your model now? 15 years? And you still expect to getting all the hot documents? You still think you can keep doing 300 sheets a day?
You’re dreaming.
WAKE UP.

Look at the competition man:
HD-60s with the magnetic head so they clean up after themselves.
Staple-free staplers.
Industrial strength staplers. Extra long cartridges.
Email, hu-llo.
You can’t compete.
Stop trying to re-live the glory days.

Listen. I sympathise with you, I really do.
When it was your time, you were beautiful.
But it’s not your time anymore. You not being able to take the capacity isn’t what’s wrong here. It’s your unwillingness to evolve.
Move on man.
Think of all you’ve accomplished. Nobody’s stapled more documents than you. Not by a long shot. And between you and me, the way they make em these days, the new models aren’t gonna have half your product life span. They’re on their way out too. They just don’t know it.

But you. You can do all sortsa things now.
Settle down with a nice paper clip (Or two, hey, no judgments my brother).
Relax.
Find yourself a nice gig doing invoices.
Nice honest work, and you get to stay active.
You need to accept that it’s time for you to retire.
And you need to learn that it can be the best time of your life.


A4

P.S. My sister says hi. Said you’d remember. Dude, I don’t even wanna know.